Jose only has sex on drugs
Jose has just come home and has thrown himself onto the bed after two days of lots of good, wild, and boundary-pushing sex.
He smiles to himself, but it’s as if a darkness is closing in. José feels a knot in his stomach.
José only has sex on drugs. When he has sex on drugs, he feels good, both with himself and with those he plays with. He can do everything, and he can keep going for a long time.
When he’s not on drugs, it’s a completely different story. His erection falters. He can’t fully engage in sex with those he’s with, especially if they are someone he knows or has had sex with before.
Somewhere deep inside José, he longs to connect with someone genuinely—without the drugs. He longs to simply have sex and enjoy it without being under the influence. Perhaps even to have a partner where sex and drugs are not the most important things.
But he doesn’t know how. It’s as if he has forgotten how to flirt. Often, he can’t even handle dealing with people’s names or their personal stories. It gets too close.
In the end, he doesn’t really believe that he’ll be able to find a partner.
The drugs remove the clutter in his head. Everything becomes light. He feels free and completely okay. Effortless. Connected.
It usually lasts until the party is over. When he comes home to himself, and the apartment is quiet, it comes creeping back—the loneliness, the emptiness, the feeling of being stuck. He hates it.
Today is Monday. José takes a deep breath and smiles to himself. Monday means there are only four days until Friday, and then it all starts over again.
José needs help. He can get it from AIDS-Fondet’s counseling services about sex on drugs. Do you also need help? Then fill out the form here:
The story of José is fictional; José is not a real person, but he could be. Like José, many people struggle with “sober sex” without the drugs, and if you are one of them, you are certainly not alone.
In AIDS-Fondet’s Specialized Counseling, we understand all the issues that chemsex can involve. We have many years of knowledge and experience with drugs and sex, and the combination of the two—and we are here to talk to you, completely without judgment.